A-chocolypse now: ideas we didn't use  

At the end of every programme, we tell you some features we didn't get time to broadcast in a little 20 second piece we call Ideas We Didn't Use.  We thought we'd pop some of these on the website because you look like the kind of person who appreciates a bad pun.

So, here are some of the features we didn't get time for in the first week of the 2009 broadcast...

- We attempt to kick-start the diets of millions of fat people around the world by destroying all the world’s cocoa plants at once in ‘A-chocolypse now’

- We render a mystical cup useful by mending the holes in the Holy Grail.

- We stage a re-enactment of Jesus’ trial 20,000 feet in the air, with our new drama group, The Pontius Pilots.

- We challenge a clergyman to preach a fifteen minute sermon containing only words beginning with the letter ‘T’ in More Tea Vicar.

- We electrocute French monks in the Tazer Experience.

- We get a Biblical couple to swim upstream to spawn, in Salmon And Delilah.

- We sort Easter chocolate treats into denominational order, with Eggumenical thinking.

- We give vicars a makeover for their Easter Sunday service in The Fashion Of The Christ.

- We attempt to train rabbits to act out Shakespeare in ‘Hutch Ado About Nothing’

- We rave endlessly about the 4th floor of an office block, in The Greatest Storey Ever Told.

- We accidentally drop the Easter rabbit into our deep fat fryer in Hot Cross Bunnies.

- We declare a small VAT cut in Christianity, forcing everyone to worship Jesus Chris.

- We trace how cutlery abolished the slave trade with our profile of William Wilberforks.

- Dale Winton’s Hole In The Wall is relocated, suprisingly conveniently, to Jericho.

- We set up a new worship festival for bees and scorpions, in Sting Harvest.