Regular listeners to the Theatre Of Noise will know that we now have a producer. He is called Jon The Producer, and he brings an extra element to the show.

Jon has sex appeal. He has panache. He is debonaire, youthful and gorgeous.

He is everything we are not.

We promised to post a picture of him, and here he is. Can someone please set up version of HotOrNot.com  called RateMyProducer.com? Lee and I will no doubt click the 'hot' button over and over again.

On the downside, Jon The Producer eats Tunnock tea cakes by slapping them on his forehead. This unforgiveable behaviour disgusts us, and reminds us that despite outward appearances, sometimes people can be really ugly on the inside.

As promised on tonight's show, here are some record labels we would recommend. They all feature Christian artists doing some very interesting things.

Tooth And Nail - lots of raaaah! Includes some quality hip hop on Uprok too.

Solid State - very much the 'shouty men' element of Theatre Of Noise.

Northern Records - independent, a little bit country, and lovely.

Velvet Blue - grumpy indie artists now all grown up.

Asthmatic Kitty - quirky, odd and innovative.

If you can think of any more - I'm only writing this off my quiche-stained cuff - then post them in the comments below.

Fourth From The Last, the debut album of Christian ska band The Ws, got destroyed this week on Chainsaw Challenge.

Here's real live evidence of your votes counting. A good choice, methinks.

Don't turn your volume up - presenter Lee is some way from the camera, but Fil is about to kick off with his loud power drill so the video won't stay quiet for long.

Take it away, Fil...

At the end of every programme, we tell you some features we didn't get time to broadcast in a little 20 second piece we call Ideas We Didn't Use.  We thought we'd pop some of these on the website because you look like the kind of person who appreciates a bad pun.

So, here are some of the features we didn't get time for in the first week of the 2009 broadcast...

- We attempt to kick-start the diets of millions of fat people around the world by destroying all the world’s cocoa plants at once in ‘A-chocolypse now’

- We render a mystical cup useful by mending the holes in the Holy Grail.

- We stage a re-enactment of Jesus’ trial 20,000 feet in the air, with our new drama group, The Pontius Pilots.

- We challenge a clergyman to preach a fifteen minute sermon containing only words beginning with the letter ‘T’ in More Tea Vicar.

- We electrocute French monks in the Tazer Experience.

- We get a Biblical couple to swim upstream to spawn, in Salmon And Delilah.

- We sort Easter chocolate treats into denominational order, with Eggumenical thinking.

- We give vicars a makeover for their Easter Sunday service in The Fashion Of The Christ.

- We attempt to train rabbits to act out Shakespeare in ‘Hutch Ado About Nothing’

- We rave endlessly about the 4th floor of an office block, in The Greatest Storey Ever Told.

- We accidentally drop the Easter rabbit into our deep fat fryer in Hot Cross Bunnies.

- We declare a small VAT cut in Christianity, forcing everyone to worship Jesus Chris.

- We trace how cutlery abolished the slave trade with our profile of William Wilberforks.

- Dale Winton’s Hole In The Wall is relocated, suprisingly conveniently, to Jericho.

- We set up a new worship festival for bees and scorpions, in Sting Harvest.

The photos speak for themselves.  Israel And New Breed's A Deeper Level ends up looking like it's had a fight with the hungry caterpillar (it was in fact Fil The Destroyer's drill of doom).

And the blank, frosted-glass CD? That's what happens when you attack KJ52's Behind The Musik CD with a sander. All that artwork and the shiny CD glean rubbed into nothingness.

This is all because of your votes, dear listener! Listen in on Chainsaw Challenge on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Amid the froth of Theatre Of Noise, lovely things bubble to the surface.

Firstly, Jay Tholen is a chip tune experimentalist from rural Florida. His music sounds like Nintendos dancing gaily in a field of hay. His debut album Hidden Moon Jungle brought a prog feel to the 8 bit scene ('8 bit' just means it sounds like lots of bleeps), and he's even written an instrumental interpretation of the parable of the prodigal son.

Secondly, Menomena is an indie band from Oregan who aren't afraid to honk their sax. They've covered a Flaming Lips song and they're signed to City Slang (otherwise known as A Very Important Record Label Indeed). Sadly, two members used to be in a Christian version of Pearl Jam, but don't hold that against them.

Check out Jay Tholen here. Check out Menomena here.

So there it is. You, the listening public, have survived the first week of Theatre of Noise 2009.

Its been a good week with Wednesday and Friday's shows being particularly satisfying. One of our blathers from Friday's show was chosen to be aired again on the weekly Refresh FM pick of the week show.

We opened the doors of a new feature on Friday night - The Fryer Tuck Shop. This is where we take random (edible) items and fry them in the T.O.N fryer (nicknamed Boris). We then taste the items and rate them on appearance, taste, unhealthiness and ultimately how much we could sell them for in a tuck shop. We fried a Cadbury's creme egg (it was Easter after all) and Marmite flavoured rice cakes. See the score results in the boxes to the right. Just for our own amusement, we fried an avocado. This looked like battered frog and tasted like a herd of wildebeest urinating on your tongue. Don't try it at home for the love of all that is holy...
Over the last couple of nights we have blathered about gyms, germans and thundercats.

Join us at 9pm on Monday night when we will be testing more quiches in Flansubstantiation I will have items hurled at my head in ADVENTURE - our dangerously violent easter memory game.

You can text straight to the Refresh FM studio. That magic number is:

07506 287 692

Of course, only text us when we're on, otherwise you'll be texting the studio while we're down the pub thinking of stupid ideas. Check the schedule to see when we're broadcasting.

You can also email in on info@refreshfm.org.uk, or leave a phone message with our reception bunnies on 0161 224 6066. And if you're that way inclined, follow us on Twitter.

Have a nosey at other shows on Refresh FM by scooting over to the Refresh FM website.

In Chainsaw Challenge, we take three CDs which we consider to be not quite Theatre Of Noise material, and we vote for one to meet its maker in the hands of Fil The Destroyer.  Tuesday's Chainsaw Challenge pitted three CDs against each other: I Can Only Imagine (a compilation of, erm, Christian power anthems), an old album from the World Wide Message Tribe, and Deeper (a somewhat bland worship compilation).

Deeper beat the Tribe by one vote, and the poor CD was obliterated with Fil The Destroyer's angle grinder. The terrible results are pictured here. Chainsaw Challenge happens every Tuesday and Thursday. See more in Show Info.

We are now three shows in to our 20 show Theatre of Noise odyssey.

We discussed flatulence, obscure Christian lyrics, Producer Jon's needlessly specific requirements for a girlfriend(*) and whether the entirety of time is simply a cultural wasteland punctuated with a few notable exceptions (we suggested Back to the Future, Will Smith's hats in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Schindler's List - oh, and the Renaissance).

We also explored the contents of the Jon's sack in Sackcloth and Bashes. This delightful game involves one member of the team smashing a treasured possession or two in a sack. The remaining Theatre of Noisers must guess what the items are from the pitiful shards left. For the record, Eyan beat me 2-0. During the show we promised pictorial evidence - so here it is.
Join us tonight, when we will be welcoming back Fil the Destroyer and Chainsaw Challenge once more raises its ugly and brutal head on the Theatre of Noise.


* If by any chance you are a stunning woman who is exactly 6 ft (not an inch over or under) with a PHD and a passion for Star Wars - please contact us.....

One programme broadcast. Just 19 to go.

Last night. we raised some important questions, such as:

- how substantial is a quiche? In our Flansubstantiation test, we pitted a Tesco quiche lorraine against a Lidl quiche lorraine. I can't remember which one won, suffice to say (a) the winner took the weight at least five potatoes and (b) the loser would not mysteriously reveal an image Jesus, no matter how intensely we stared.

- what animals is the Queen allowed to shoot? We narrowed this down to (1) swans and (2) probably corgis.

This is in-depth Christian radio at its best. ...ahem...

Tonight at 9pm on 87.7FM (Manchester, UK) and all over the world by the power of webbiness, we'll be critiquing Christian music with power tools, and bringing a drawing game to a radio format.

I'm piling up my CDs ready for our first broadcast on Monday.

I'm insanely excited about some of the music I'll be forcing on our poor listener. My choices range from the delusionally cheerful to the simply frightening.

For example, This Holiday Life are brisk and outdoorsy, like an efficient picnic, while some others will make kittens cry at a distance of 15 miles - such as the chugging, growling, seething The Ascendicate.

Because it's Christian radio, the first show on Monday will have a quiche theme. Well, what else did you expect?

Join us at 9pm on Monday night, online and on the wireless in Manchester (more information here).